oh, did i tell you we are moving to the midwest in 2 months? that my husband and i quit (or will quit in a few short weeks) our jobs? did you know we are joining an apostolic order amongst the poor? do you know that this gives me the highest of highs, and that i also lay awake sobbing at all the things we will be giving up (solitary jogs, microbrews, family family family, our cat). there is a lot going on. so yesterday i had a garage sale, selling the things we have accrued in our 4+ years of living in our neighborhood complex (affectionately known as "little somalia", but now would be more aptly named "little bhutan"). it was a dismal failure, with the oregon rain in full force. then, i went and cashed in a coupon i had gotten for my birthday for a cut and color at a salon. to make a long, boring story short, i went in with visions of caramel colored hair and hipster bangs, and walked out 2.5 hours later with slightly browner hair and a trim (note to self: no more coupons for hair).
then, on the way back from the salon my tire blew out on the freeway. i have a little bit of a pessimistic side, and i had actually been expecting this event my entire life. so when it actually happened, i was surprised at how calm is was (why does it feel like i am piloting a space shuttle re-entering the earth's orbit? why are there little black pieces littering the freeway behind me? oh, i think something bad is happening. welp, i'll just turn on the ol' hazards and maneuver cautiously to the side of the road, call a tow truck company, and deal with whatever happens). i was so super calm in part because i was so very relieved that my wonderful parents were watching the baby; knowing that she wasn't in danger made me feel so cheerful it was ridiculous. i spent an hour trapped in my car on the side of the road, an hour at the dealer, and now our car has 2 new tires (the other one was about to blow at any second).
by the time i got the baby back to our apartment for the night, i was dead (the husband was working a double, in case you were wondering about his absence. these kind of days always happen when he is working a double). she had been sleeping peacefully for an hour when the fire alarm went off. this is probably my very least thing about living in low-income housing. someone is ALWAYS setting the fire alarm off, and it usually happens after the baby is asleep. the sound is so earth-shattering it makes you feel like you are permanantly damaging your ears. even though it is usually just somebody smoking, um, something in their apartments, a couple of times it has been the real deal. so even though it happens all the time and i know it is probably nothing and that it will stop 2 minutes after we get outside, i still have to wake up the baby, grab her, and go down the four flights of stairs. she was upset, as you can probably imagine. after 10 minutes of hanging out with all the neighbors outside, the alarm turned off and we went back inside. i soothed the baby, got her back to sleep, and settled in for some much deserved relaxation (good will hunting on netflix). not ten minutes into the movie and the alarm went off AGAIN. this time, the baby was inconsolable, for a long while even after it turned off (we had to pet the kitty, clutch some crackers, drink some milk, read a book, sing lots of songs about whales and stars and jesus) and we rocked and rocked and rocked. and then her favorite lamp fell over and broke, scaring the baby to tears, and the process started all over again.
thank goodness we are going to the beach today, to soak in some gray clouds (oregon, obviously) and to splash in the surf. to live in the present while taking such concrete steps for an uncategorizable future. to depend so much on the things that are outside of your own control. it is terrifying, exciting, wild and free as the oregon coast. i expect there to be some terrible, horrible, no good very bad days ahead. and i expect there will be some bright and shining ones as well.